Thursday, June 25, 2009

For Sale

Initiator crystals. Acme Brand (the finest kind). Special today only! Buy two crates get the third one FREE! Get 'em while they last cause at these prices, they won't last long! 10,000 per crate for the first two crates and the third one is FREE!
Contact:
Peetza de Hutt
P.O. Box 99999853435390398322349583409432498590349858594030294857
Gamorr 57830498530345703498530948580394855830948598430982390284409545
Mid Rim

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Yuppers, Peetza da Hutt came away with 2 back-to-back victories despite Darthzilla's awesome show of strength in the first game.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Hutts Continue to Dominate

Despite close-run battles where the pendulum of victory swung to all three sides, the Hutts came away from Thursday's struggle for galactic domination with two straight victories.

In game one, a non-aggression treaty between the Empire and the Rebels kept the Hutts in their place for a number of turns. An early use of "Clumsy as he is stupid" left them seriously weakened. The Hutts were able eventually to turn a flank despite the Death Star on Gamorr and gain ten resource planets.

In game two, the Empire seemed to have the upper hand, until the Death Star left Gamorr to destroy a Rebel bastion. By cashing in faction cards for troops, the wiley Hutts were able to mount an offensive that came down to a single battle between one Hutt unit and one Imperial unit. Fortune favored the Hutts, leaving Darthzilla holding a winning hand, had he only survived that one battle.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Belated June 12 Posting

Those dastardly Hutts led by Esteemed Leader, Peetza da Hutt, swept up two more victories, trouncing both Rebels and Storm Troopers. In the first bout, the Rebels greivously injured the Empire in their initial strike, leaving plenty of room for the Hutts to clean up with only token resistance.

In the second encounter, things went on longer, but the outcome was the same. Once the Hutts started drawing in 3 or 4 faction cards per turn, they were able to field enormous armies of 10 units at a time.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Faulty Initiator Crystals Doom Rebel Cause

Stardate 03Juni2009, Orion Belt Quadrant

Today, Rebel sources blamed yeterday's setbacks on faulty photon torpedo initiator crystals.

"Right from the get go, our squadrons had problems with their weapon systems," stated an disgruntled Ursa Major. "Every time we attacked we had malfunctions."

Despite sound tactics and a huge increase in Rebel recruitment figures, battle after battle was lost due to substandard cracked dylithium crystals procurred under government contracts.

"We suspect the batch of defective crystals was left over NC-1101 stock from the Klingon wars," an anomynous staff supply sargent disclosed. "Dilythium crystals radiate in six major wavelengths, " he explained. "As they age, overheat or are damaged the so called "luck of the dice" vascillate between the first and second wavelengths instead of the proper oscillation in five
or six wavelength range."

All of the squadrons routinely had vascillations in the lower ranges. It is suspected that the Hutts were to blame for the inferior crystals. Their capitalistic zeal is legendary and they will go to any length to to make an extra profit and undermine anyone faction who gets in their way. "This is
not speculation," retorted Ursa Major, "how else could they recuit vast numbers of mercenaries turn after turn? In our rush to find the Emperor (who was rumored to be hidden on an outpost far from the major engagements) we relied on dylithium smugglers whose mercenaric sympathies lie with PeetZa. Obviously they had a better offer from the Hutts and made out from both sides."

Ursa Major was criticized for spending too much of the meager Rebel resources protecting the important belt of resource planets that he couldn't mount an effective hunt for the Emperor. It is rumored that he was heavily sedated and distracted by nefarious Nationstar Intergalactic and Planetary Mortgage Company whose underwriters secured bases for the Rebel movement.
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Remarks from Peetza da Hutt:

The first question has been answered. Ursa Major has relinquished his status as Galactic Dominator to a most unworthy Successor. Peetza de Hutt took over the galaxy in brilliant fashion. In game one, ten resource planets were secured on Peetza's very first turn. In game two, it took a bit longer as it was turn two before Peetza could rest easy with ten resource planets cowering under his iron fist. At least he was holding a piece of iron in his fist.
Here come de Hutts! Here come de Hutts! Order in the Galaxy 'cause here come de Hutts!

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In summary, Peetza da Hutt won the first two games in near record time. The third game was called a draw after exhaustion set in.